as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
