i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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