THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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