she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
