i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
