Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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