It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize