HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
