dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
