I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
