I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
