my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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