Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
