now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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