this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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