So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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