I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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