When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
