what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Randomize