dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
