Whod you bang
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
