The best revenge is premature balding
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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