she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize