The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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