another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
