overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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