ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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