I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
