do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
