I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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