you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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