I think i sorta joined a cult last night
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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