I wanna bring you to show and tell
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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