Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
