my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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