It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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