ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
