i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I currently don't understand fingers.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
