And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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