I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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