we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
