i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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