By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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