im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
