chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
