the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A+ Viking dick
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize