just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
