Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
