i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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