i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
