Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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