apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
