'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
