Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
