i think my mom watched the whole time
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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