just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
