I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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