so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
