I look better un-naked...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
