Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
