Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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