Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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