ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
