Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
