Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
