I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
