How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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