Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
