Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize