I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
