She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
