why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
