I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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