My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
