If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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