Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
