What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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