why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
