We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
