i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
