Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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