I can text with my tongue
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
