dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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