Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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