one might say we're banned from that church
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
