dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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