On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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