i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
