Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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