I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
