ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
