I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
