What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
