i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize