apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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