You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
