Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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