I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
