He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
