I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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