i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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