she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
