i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
