I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
