I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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