I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
