let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize