What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
